Little Yogini

As the Bhagavad Gita once said,  “Yoga is difficult for the one whose mind is not subdued”.

This could not be more true. As stated in previous posts, I had started to feel complacent, yet simultaneously felt anxious because things had come to a standstill. Non-moving. Static.

I am easily able to multitask and focus on numerous things at one time. I’ve come to find that the problem with this is that I am never absolutely focused on one single task. They float around in my head and I focus on one, move to another, shuffle back to the previous one, and jump to the third. While this helps me get things done at an incredibly fast pace, it’s completely and utterly exhausting. I end my days feeling tired, grouchy, and restless- restless because I haven’t given my mind the opportunity to be still. To be silent.

I have finally discovered how to rid my restlessness and feel calm again- through bikram yoga. I’ve taken a few 90 minute sessions, and I can honestly say it gets better each go-around. Yesterday I arrived at YogaOne studio earlier than usual. I unrolled my yoga mat and laid in shavasana. I laid there for about 15 minutes before class began. I felt my body temperature rise, matching the temperature in the room, and found that my breathing had become long and deep.

About 30 minutes in, I was sweating more than I ever had in my life. Every square inch, every follicle of my body was covered with beads of sweat. I could feel these beads running from my hairline, along the side of my face, to my jawline and finally dropping all the way to the floor. Usually this would gross me out and I would towel off immediately. But not this time… something was holding me back.

I could finally feel every feeling in my body. I could feel the tingling in my toes, the looseness of my calves, the strength in my back, the struggle in my arms, and the heat radiating from my neck. I was able to focus on one single thing -how I felt. It didn’t matter that I was dripping with sweat. It didn’t matter that my hair was matted and stuck to my neck and side of my face. It didn’t matter that my eyes were dry and warm. All that mattered at that point in time was feeling, and I felt everything.

We finally moved into Lord of the Dance, a section many find difficult. I was amazed at my focus and strength throughout this exercise because I was able to complete it fully, which I can honestly say I have not done before. I felt all inner stress melt away, and I was able to close my eyes and maintain my balance. Powerful. Unimaginable. Serene.

My body, mind, and soul finally feel as though they are one.

Never conflicting.

Never disconnected.

Always moving together.

Always facing forward.

Ever searching.

Everlasting. Always.